Daddy’s influence

“I am proud of you!” It was an offline message from a father who does not really sees his son as often as needed. Doesn’t communicate and show affection. If that kid would read that 5 word message what would he really feel?

I found out a couple of years ago that my dad was really proud of me… and that he REALLY loves me. He lives with his second family now but still communicates with me and in times of need I can count on him. But it was not like that when I was little, as a kid whose dad was abroad working, it somehow gets very lonely and frustrating, having lots of ideals and wishes that would not come to reality because the father is away. Sure my needs were all given, put to a private school, proper food and clothing, shelter and medications were always provided. But the “happy” family I always watched on movies and cartoons were not there at all. I guess that was the time I somehow realized that I am really incomplete. I have a very loving mom and two kid sisters that would always make the house fun and warm but the longing for a dad I was missing could not be put at ease. Thus, came this denial stage of mine. I thought I have overcome the longing and the emptiness but it was only recently that I realized that I shoved it at the back of my head where it kept growing and hurting,unconsciously. I have made a mess of my teenage years and now am facing all the consequences of it but I am grateful because when I decided to stand and pick up the pieces of my shattered youth my dad was there for me and expressed what he really felt. You see saying “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” really makes a person’s life more meaningful specially coming from a father whom you’ve never really get to spend time with.

I guess the offline message for the son (mentioned in the beginning of this selection) would compensate his longing for his father and somehow ease his pent up anger for leaving him…

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