Here I am now…

“Fourteen years!!! Wow, so it’s been that long since I first encountered my so-called infatuation.” whispered Selene as she tries to recollect what happened along those bitter-sweet years, but all she can feel is a stabbing pain of regret. She just finished another manga, Japanese comics that she got herself hooked up with. “I guess it’s my 100th manga already and I am really engrossed or should i say caught up with wishful thinking?”

Come to think of it Selene is escaping again into her own world, her own realm which she started to build when she was only 9 years old. A perfect world where she is always happy, doing whatever she wants, interacting with whoever she desires and gets what she needs. Love , attention, affection, joy, peace, happiness and everything else that she could ask for. But it’s proven that it did not serve her well.

Selene and Eros met Fourteen years ago, got intimate the minute they saw each other, not realizing the consequences of all their childish and irrational deeds. Their relationship started as rocky as a ship hauled by the giant waves in a stormy sea. But since it was Selene’s “first” she decided to go along with the hot current of lust and adventure, lost and blinded by her heart’s desire (or so she thought back then)she was rapidly being swallowed into an abyss where nothing can help her escape. She bore Eros’ children yet unsatisfied with the outcome of her not so fairytale love story Selene decided to seek her happiness elsewhere but as she ventures from one affair after the other it only increased the longing for freedom from all that has happened. She is empty, numb and in despair because she lost her youth, her life , her sanity, herself. The energetic, lovable, happy youthful Selene  no longer exist in this world. Her journey with Eros finally ended 4 years ago after an on-off battle for love, trust and respect, full of heartaches and delusions. I would say Selene lost that battle but until now she still continues to fight yet another battle, but this time she no longer fights for any other reasons other than her most precious children. Even without Eros by her side she is not alone anymore, she has a support group that increases as she shares her time to those in need.

Now as she closes another manga she somehow feels the loneliness creeping inside her trying to invade her guarded heart. She is now living a somewhat peaceful disposition in life…behind those addictive manga and writing hobby.

“I guess it’s time to read another manga where I can exchange places with each hero, taking on adventure and love one after the other.” sighed Selene and now is browsing her collection. “Dreamland here I go again. I will definitely face reality in due time”

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Stalking or spying?

 

Have you ever stalked someone? I often react casually when I hear about stalkers, be it for good or bad purposes. Little did I know that I was a stalker too or was it just spying? Oh, I don’t know you be the judge.

It started out with a neighbor of ours, she is around 20 years of age, petite and works in a call center. I don’t know what interests me but I just found myself getting excited whenever I see her pass by our house. From my room I’d follow her as she walks along the hall of the building apartment where we share the same floor. I discovered where she worked, I can even sense her whenever she approaches. Sometimes I purposely would wait for her, if I miss I would still pick up her scent in the hallway. Pretty weird, keep in mind that I was brought up not to mind strangers and neighbors, we respect and greet them if we happen to see or pass by them but we do mind our own business and don’t stick our noses beyond our personal spaces. So you see what I have been doing is really extra-ordinary, way beyond my beliefs and capabilities. When she ran away from home I still got to hear bits and pieces of about her from her family (some high-tech radar ear I have haha).

Then around that time I had encountered a new neighbor again sharing the same floor we are in. I was caught of guard, I was reading manga online very late one night when he asked me which site I was reading from. He was on the other side of the window where the pc was. He was actually looking at my manga!!! Although he introduced himself, I instantly shrugged him of with my short non-emotional reply without looking at him. How absurd! Coming from me, who enjoys meeting new people, having friends around and enjoying the outside world. Well I thought that was the end of it but since that night I started taking notes of who he lives with and what interest him most…well I know one thing for sure we both share the same interest because he said to me that night “we are indeed both otaku” 

So in total I have two different neighbors I am keeping notes now because the first neighbor I’m interested in is now back . Now starts another chapter of my stalking/spying game…