Forum Life

I heard a lot about forums and stuff but never tried to visit or join one. I have this site where I read stuff, it has forums and members, I was hesitant at first but after visiting the site for Two months I decided to get registered, free registration actually.  Fixed up my profile, posted pictures, sketches, joined groups and started visiting the forums. I found myself posting replies to the games and got hooked. Then I started to have friends, spending the usual reading time (online) with them chatting, exchanging stories and opinions on stuff, comments and reviews. I then got myself so involved in their “personal lives” yet always having the benefit of the doubt. Is he/she telling the truth? I really found most of my so-called online friends truthful but there are still people who’d make up stories after stories. Some I even received emails from their personal accounts, even knew their real names and their life stories. We get to share a lot of things in their “real world” too. But when I visit other threads where they also post, I get to see the other side of the mask, their mask…how they perceive things, how open-minded they are and who they really are…I guess it’s all in the matter of what you want others to see you as…or what you want to tell others, what you want to share with them…the real life or the forum life. So the question is right now…which side of ME have I really shown them?

Moon’s Influence

I always find myself every night staring at the moon; somehow it puts me in this trance that takes most of my strength and effort just to turn around. I get fascinated by the brightness it emits in the night sky. Whether the sky is clear or overcast, she always finds her way to shine. It’s as if the moon summons me, the gravity keeps pulling me to stare and be captivated. It is like an enchantress up in the sky, calling for her worshipers to admire her even more. As the full moon rises and her color changes, what else can you do but stare?

I’ve heard a lot of myths wherein werewolves transform when a full moon arises. It’s common to folklores way back from the medieval times and even the ancient Greeks. These are so-called humans whose ability  is to shape shift into a wolflike beast ravaging into the night.  Now once bitten or cursed a human can become a werewolf granted the moon is full. You can never really recognize the person inside as they transform, their face becomes elongated, dog-like savages, from normal canines to beastly fangs, their body weight and height doubles as claws grow long and wolf like fur covers every inch of their body. Folklore or myth these stories kept people from wandering at night in those days. Other’s associate the full moon with vampires, since they are nocturnal creatures. Being most powerful in the night doing anything and everything they please. It is said that the moon gives them extra power and stamina to deal with their huntings and feedings. Been a fan of these folklores, read so many novels and watch many movies, though at times it gives me the creeps, most often it fascinates me.

The moon also has great influence with people; they seem to behave erratically and become so loose in words and in action. That is why they used the word “lunatic” to describe these people who act as if they are crazy. Well there really is no proof on any of these claims; maybe it’s just the thought of seeing a full moon that gives people excuse.

But no matter stories derived from its influence, I know that when I look at the moon, I see myself staring back. Lonely yet reflects brilliance for others who look upon her. Sad yet often attracts patrons. Secretive yet alluring. These feelings and traits pains me and yet calms me at the same time as I share it with her.

Stay still

A 7-year-old kid today will not stay put even if you say so…

Bribing wont even do you good…

most teenagers would be okay if you get into an agreement,

but it is different for this younger ones…

Most kids today are with Attention Deficit HyperActivity disorder

but personally I think these kids are just moving

according to the speed of their on.

They are just seeking attention, like normal kids do too

but only in a different way and pacing.

So it is not wise to say stay still

unless you are willing to give your full attention… your love

Their LOVE Story

I heard her story when she first graced her appearance to our Victory Group (a bible study group – but not your conventional one) where she shared her “love” story. With that very touching story she was also interviewed at 700 Club Asia. A VERY REAL, sad love story that gave me shivers when I first heard of it.

Then yesterday I attended our church’s Leaders’ Convergence, they shared her story, this time it was in a video with her husband. I was really in tears and thought that miracle can happen to anyone who seeks God for intervention. And with our church starting a new series today entitled “Infinitude” where in it tackles about God’s immeasurable attributes. It’s a four-part series; this week’s topic is about “Immutable” – wherein God’s attributes NEVER change. The pastor sited so many samples of changes around us even the relationships we are in, especially when we do not focus on fixed points, like God, who never changes. His mind, purpose, plan and promises…again they showed Tina’s video. Even as I write it now my eyes get clouded with tears of hope, joy and love…

You see Tina is a real fighter, a real believer and follower of God. She got married because she was about to gave birth to their son, and as like all married couples problem arose and things got difficult. They already had 2 sons when her husband started cheating on her and left them. The husband even said (on the video) that he thought that God would accept what he did because he put the blame all on her, he filed for an annulment. During those times Tina sought God. Read the bible with her sons and continued praying asking God for guidance and intervention. His husband on the other hand was feeling incomplete instead of the freedom that he thought he would feel after leaving his family. He was left with nothing,, no God, no family and no wife.

Then he went to pastoral counseling went to Victory Weekend, got baptized again and got born-again …again. He started courting Tina, went on dates with her, took her out-of-town, and gave flowers and card saying “I love you”. And after 9 long years they got married…again. As Tina puts it, “it’s still a work in progress” but as God as the center of their relationship, their family the drastic changes that happened before that ruined them is now turning completely around. Their family is now happily living the way God planned it, God promised us that whoever seeks, will find, whoever asked will be answered…true to His words, He answered Tina’s prayers. Truly nothing is impossible with our One true God. He never changes His plans, His Promises, His mind and His Love for all of us…He has a different approach, different ways with dealing with all of us. So why fix your focus on things that would gradually fade away, Earthly treasures, Worldly needs and happiness will not last forever.

Her story gave me hope, joy and sadness all at the same time…will I have the same miracles, good changes , turns and chances in life? Well, I already am confident that I can answer this with a big YES! I got involved with the church and so are my 3 kids… and true enough the changes in our lives even without my husband beside me is good and gave me peace of mind because I know that My God , my savior, my provider is also my kids’ FATHER and my best friend, my partner forever and that will never change. A testimony for everyone to listen and learn that relying on your own strength and own capabilities are never enough.

With immeasurable faith in God her story will be mine or yours one day…

suddenly…tears

I have been a cry baby since I was born, Shed millions of tears specially in my early adulthood. Why? I really don’t know, is it a sign of resignation? failure? hopelessness? happiness or relief? Why do we shed tears? I never really fathom why, it won’t do me any good at all. I just end up with puffy eyes, red nose and chest pains when I cry. I am always in denial, well that’s what’s perceived of me.

Suddenly my tears to escaped my eyes, not knowing why exactly (again). Let me figure it out first. I guess my subconscious mind is telling me to acknowledge the pain building up inside me, the worries I’ve pushed aside. You see I can never start to deal with worries and stress properly, my first reaction is to shove it aside and pretend as if nothing is wrong and live a day at a time but I know there are ways to deal with it properly and I know that I should start now or else it will consume me whole.

It’s suppose to free me of the building pressure but it just makes me more sad, more tensed, more stressed. I just want to be genuinely happy, not putting up facades every single day. Torn from what’s real and wishes still, I now have to make the first step to my discovery and development…easier said than done.  😀

Have you had tears all of a sudden escaping you?

childhood crush

I recently found out that an elementary classmate of mine had a crush on me. It’s a real shocker! All those years I thought I was the ugly duckling of the class… hahaha who are you kidding! it’s not that important now. I don’t think of things like such. He is now a friend in my social site, we chat if we get the chance. Earlier this day he asked me how to get to as specific place, a company wherein he will have his interview the next day…well, since I’m in front of my PC I can Google the map in seconds. Gave him the instructions and even sent him the link. All of a sudden he asked me to meet up after the job interview and have dinner at my place. When I asked why, He replied “It’s important in life to be in contact/connection with old friends before moving on with life”. Gosh, who are you kidding!!!!! It’s such a lousy excuse.

The question is WHY?

A simple yet meaningful hug from her sister opened her mind to ask WHY? Why did she stopped expressing her true emotions physically to those she truly cherish? Why do she dislike showing her affection through hugging her love ones? Why can’t she hug in return? Why doesn’t she allow herself to receive hugs?

Another sister of hers told her that maybe it was because she don’t want to show vulnerability. She have this fancy belief that she needs to be strong if not physically she have to grow even stronger emotionally. Toughen up for the wrong reasons yet for her it’s reasonable enough. Such twisted way of thinking yet intriguing. She often defend her actions by her bitter past  but that won’t really justify it correctly. She has no right to punish herself  especially the people closest to her.

Does she really hate the feeling of being hugged? She often dodge hugs by saying it irritates her because she has a severe case of asthma when she was young. Then when she became an adult she would just shrugged and turn away if  a hug is on her way. Silly isn’t it? As a matter of fact she does love the feeling of hugging someone, but most of those people she hugged are either gone or have caused her psychological trauma. She doesn’t want the people around her now to leave another scar if she starts to open up and express her affection.

Do you think there is a deeper meaning to this? Do you think it’s better for her to start hugging those she treasure most? Well now is the time to show your affection, tell what’s on your mind? Share your comments and advises. She certainly needs them.